I have arrived. I am home. 

Reading Thich Nhat Hanh yesterday, I came across the lines: “I have arrived, I am home / in the here and now. / I am solid, I am free / In the ultimate I dwell.” Last night K and I walked the labyrinth over at Boston College and the first of the lines stayed with me, adapted a little:  “I am here. I have arrived. I am home.”

I passed on the opportunity to gather with others at the State House and chose this more solitary act instead. It was too cold to watch every heel/toe/breath but I sometimes sent a prayer heavenward: “get him out peacefully”.

All that urgent yearning and: “I have arrived. I am home.”  Such contrast!

December 19 — can we call it the “new longest night” of the year? “I am home. I have arrived.”

Today, my sister and I shopped for our holiday dinner at a little Salem market called Steve’s which she insists on calling Frank’s, a fact that would amuse you if you knew my husband’s family. Anyway, bringing my bags out first so that I could return and get her bags second, I repeated: “I am home. I have arrived. I am here.” Crossing the tarmac with plastic rattling — such an ordinary moment and one that I might normally on some level rush to get through! Instead, those grounding and life affirming words: “I am home.”

On the second trip out, imagine my delight when, just after repeating, “I am here,” I looked up to see a banner half a block away reading: Where You At?

“I am here. I am home. I have arrived.”

We had liverwurst with wasabi and mayo on pumpernickel for lunch and I left in time to miss the 3:00 school and shift-change traffic. It was a “yes” day.

And just now, I finished a Pussyhat for a friend marching on Washington next month. They’re supposed to be knit and I plan to also knit a few when my pink yarn arrives, but in the meantime, this one was constructed out of a cashmere sweater, polar fleece, and wool felt. (Pussyhat Project).

Don’t ask me why or how, but it feels like “moving on”.


9 thoughts on “I have arrived. I am home. 

  1. ravenandsparrow

    Thanks for this post Dee. I have been struggling so much to find equilibrium and this helps, probably because I have seen you struggle too. I love the pussy hat.

    Reply
    1. deemallon Post author

      I know these words would constitute a useful practice in any season, but in this time of berserk distortions, unhinged responses, unleashed hate — of alienation (is this really my country?) and unreality and forceful rejection, the words had a particularly potent impact. It’s still my home, this place I don’t recognize. Here we are.

      Reply
    1. deemallon Post author

      Merry Christmas to you, too Dana! You were in my thoughts as I set my table last night for company. I won’t say I achieved anywhere near your harmonies of color and texture, but I think I channeled you enough to notch it up a level.

      Reply

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