Five hours

This is an erasure post. The original version was both too long and too revealing. The skeleton version makes less sense but holds more mystery, I think.


In hours, pushed, eye-rolling, huffing.
Five hours. I found her angle.
Risk a fool, like picking a scab. A person,
a villain, at least refusal. If hope
would speed silence!

Little judgment next. I gathered my things.
Later! Bother! In five hours,
the scope, nothing.

What I meant was, I’m wracked. I’m shutting
the door, halfway. An about face. HEAVEN!
It took unreason to drive the welcome —
Oh file, reference — mantra even. Five hours.

Back. Just BE! Oops.
Like morning needing witness,
she would chance fact, impossible
keep. I am
undone.

Ask, “do I want to be tagged home?”

Christ can track down the days, night,
a person.

 

 

 

 

 

7 thoughts on “Five hours

    1. Mo Crow

      just googled the definition of inscrutable – impossible to understand or interpret
      well that is not quite what I meant to say, rather that it is mysteriously intriguingly inscrutable

      Reply
      1. deemallon Post author

        I was hoping for evocative? It’s not just an exercise in sound but close. Of course I know all the other words. The ones that were stripped out, so it’s hard for me to judge

        Reply
        1. Mo Crow

          your introduction stating there are words intentionally left out makes me more curious about them than the ones that are given

  1. RainSluice

    I like that what’s there reveals something of what’s missing and the strong emotions of this “a person” at the end. Had you not said it was an erasure, I wonder if I would’ve considered what was missing? That I have think about more and read this again tomorrow. But I like it!

    Reply
    1. deemallon Post author

      Is telling the reader it’s an erasure a kind of cheat? (I am now thinking about that)

      Reply
  2. deemallon Post author

    Mo – you’ve given me an idea — to see what is left of the text with the words here subtracted.

    Reply

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