After being excoriated by a black woman in an email exchange (one that gave new meaning to the term “blind rage”) — I am looking around.
Where do I find solace, perspective, or meaning? In nature, for one. By being outside with Finn, listening to a death-themed “This American Life” as we make our rounds — enlivened by the expanse and chill quiet of morning hours. In the stretch of light in the evening as we approach summer.
Coming across quotes I jot down here and there (these two from On Being — I may not be able to track episode down but want to share anyway):
“Your level of true belonging can never be greater than your willingness to stand alone… I kind of hate that it’s true, but it’s just what I found”.
And a working definition of ‘civility’:
“Civility is claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs, and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process.”
Thinking about mortality helps in the aftermath of this ugly exchange too: how I am approaching the age-year of my mother’s passing (she was 62; I’m almost 61 and a half; I’ve already outlived my father by seven years); thinking about the heart as a pulsing muscle with a finite number of beats to beat (beat beat). What do I want my beating heart to fuel?
Lastly, a pearl of wisdom from the Tarot, where The Devil showed up in two back to back readings: “The main thing holding you back is your belief that something is holding you back”.
Amen to that.